If it's good enough for Mark Cuban, it's good enough for us here at The Bigs Daily News. All 32 teams, recapped in Twitter style (135 characters or less).
Atlanta: We trade the MVP and get better? Now part of the NL elite.
Trenton: Lineup is too old, rotation is too young. Enough talent to win 84. Not enough to make the playoffs.
Norfolk: Diaz took the year off. Atlanta sank our battleship.
Washington: When do Leonard and Rader get here?
Fargo: We took the title! Now to enjoy the North Dakota offseason...
Chicago: We hate Fargo.
Philadelphia: Bernie signed for 3 more seasons. Now to get a team around him...
Toronto: How does middle of the pack in offense and pitching land us in last?
Houston: We dominated our division yet again! Playoffs... don't ask.
New Orleans: You know you're in the south when some guy named Bobby Ray leads you in wins. Should have been Carlos.
San Juan: Apparently you have to keep runs off the board in order to win. Can Oswaldo pitch?
Austin: Lots of steals, few runs. Can we deport Hasegawa?
Cheyenne: Our "reward" for winning the division is Chicago in the playoffs? Let Salem have it next time.
Salem: We have Dunwoody, Salmon, Allensworth as starters... and a closer who should be flippin' burgers somewhere.
Salt Lake City: Hernandez is a beast- too bad half the rotation forgot to show up this season.
Vancouver: From the penthouse to the outhouse.
Louisville: Officially the best franchise to have never made a World Series appearance.
Scranton: How much further in the playoffs could we go if we didn't strike out so much?
New York: Offense can be renamed Duvall, Castillo, and the 7 outs.
Boston: At least the fans were entertained watching all the runs. Too bad we gave up most of them.
Milwaukee: So close, yet so far away...
St. Louis: If you give up exactly one more run than you score... yep, you'll be right around .500
Buffalo: At least it was better than last season. And we have Diaz and Clay to build around. As for the rest of the roster...
Syracuse: Offense is decent, too many strikeouts. Can we leave the pitching staff at the State Fairgrounds?
Monterrey: Finally got home field against Milwaukee! Too bad it didn't help.
Jackson: Proving you can make the playoffs for less money than the cost of Yankees season tickets.
Nashville: Santiago, Black, and Winn. Pitching staff is a sin.
Oklahoma City: Nothing sneaky about us. Nominate Colome for Cy Yuk.
Las Vegas: In our final performance, we finish below .500... and win the division AND a playoff series? Do they want an encore? Not sure.
Anaheim: Dixon struggled and Griffith is on the team. Not a good combination.
Boise: Hail to the Chief, as he, Zheng, and Medrano are about all we have.
Seattle: When do the young pieces start to come together?