Nashville Sounds - The "Band" struck up some blue grass ditties in welcoming Mateo Herrera (1B) and Benji Rosado (3B) as the coaching staff remained pretty well intact.
New Orleans Voodoo - The "Priestess Dolls" (they are gothically cute, but beware) performed their yearly ritually in welcoming Alberto Leon (3B), Pascual Matos (Pitching), Russ Konerko (Pen) and Walter Chapman (Bench) to the staff. As the head Voodoo Priest wanted change.
New York new york - With the theme song blaring in the background, New York welcomed Hitting Coach Chip Jefferies (who was distantly related to last years hitting coach), Ray Allen (1B) and Ryan Kendall (3B). Will this cause the "Throng" to pass through the turnstiles this year?
Norfolk Destroyers - The "Battleship Warriors" saluted newcomers Osvaldo Guerrero (Pitching) and Steve Murphy (Pen) as their new naval delivery attaches. Looks like the Destroyers may have gotten a lot of bang for the bucks.
Philadelphia Phantoms - The newly formed "Shadows" were thrilled to have a new team. And the new owner took a look at the coaching staff and groaned. Replacing an entire staff is not easy but "Who Knows What Evil Lurks in the Hearts of Men" only chazzzz knows.
Salem Sacrifices - The "Witch Burners" were out in full force after the signing of Michael "Smart Ass" Witt (Pitching) and Shep "Atlas" Strong (Bench). It is rumored that a Priestess Doll spy was apprehended in their hunt.
Salt Lake City Shakers - Not wanting to make a big scene with the "Movers", the Shakers acquired Roy Buford (Pen) and Aaron Parker (Fielding).
San Juan Dead Bunnies - The "Platinum Goth Bunnies" threw their ears to the wind as they danced the night away in the conga line after the news revealed that most of the staff had been replaced.
Scottsdale SLAMMERS - The newly formed "Royal Guardsmen" were awed as Hitting Coach Sammy Diaz introduced the revamped staff. But after learning there was a Dummy in the bunch, they immediately sent vikingdal to jail. It was just a minor misunderstanding.
Seattle Killer Whales - The new Killer Whales gave Ron Morman his dream of being a ML Hitting Coach after being in the organization for 2 seasons as 1B Coach. However the rest of the staff was laid to rest after a freak accident involving the mascot. Will this new staff bring glory to a team that was much maligned?
St. Louis Silly Nannies - The mascot went crazy at the news conference, as the goat butted three then ate the catered meal provided before being recaptured (ha ha, thought I was going to say something like Bimbo Aupair Girls, didn't you?). Most of the staff, it was revealed later, was replaced.
Syracuse Slyce - We are not sure about the mascot or fan faithful yet as this is still up in the air. Though rumor has it that a Raider fan look-alike was dismissed. With that out of the way, the new owner delved deep and hired from the ranks of the unknown with Brady Houston (Bench) and Mateo Mesa (Pitching), but hired veteran 3B Cliff Young to round out the staff.
Toledo Greensox - With the addition of Bonk Riedling (Pen), Jesse Wagner(Bench) and Mandy Linton (Fielding) makes the staff look impressive, but will it make this Ohio native team a real contender this year?
Toronto Toros - The Bulls nostrils flared when the announcement of Miguel Redondo (Hitting Coach) was released. The "Matadors" were a little dismayed that ownership couldn't find a French-Canadian for the job.
Trenton Traffic - The owners first comments at the press conference recommended that everyone use public transportation to get to the game. Rumor has it this was so he could get his stretch limo to the game on time. Then the new Traffic Directors were revealed, Carson Paul (Pitching), Hector Belliard (1B) and Robinson Stewart (Hitting).
Washington D.C. Blue Coats - The newly created "Fife and Drummer" corp was present at a Valley Forge restaurant for a 4 Star engagement. Al Contreras (Hitting) was the only coach retained under the new regime as the new generals were introduced to guide the team to victory. Rumor has it the introduction was moved to Valley Forge because of historical value and a convention in DC, but because of tourist season, the surrounding hotels were booked.
Analysis: The point values given was a simple counting procedure that probably don't amount to a hill of beans but had to come up with something. In retrospect, I could probably come up with a better way to value a coach but there are time restraints and couldn't think of a better way off the top of my head. However, after thinking about it, there is, and next year may implement it and be more representative in the approach. Does it matter at the ML level, probably not. It would probably be more beneficial to rank the minor league coaches and the Fielding Instructor than the ML coaches but that would take forever. I hope it gave everybody a little humor in their life though.